You're working your arse off, but still anxious. How does that make sense?
A common frustration I’ve encountered when trying to start on any new journey, whether that’s starting this business, helping to mentor someone out of a season of struggles, or back when I was trying to figure out my relationship - almost always boils down to some form of this: feeling anxious about the direction to take.
This leads to anxiety, fear to start, procrastination, and a desire to “just get to the final results already.”
Even when we focus ourselves on our steps, the Journey, there can be a persistent uneasy feeling that makes it hard to avoid worrying about the destination completely.
We know that it’s the Journey that matters, that we need to stay out of motion, that the anxiety isn’t helpful, beyond giving us that initial, conflicted kick to get out the door…
We just don’t know if we’re headed in the right DIRECTION.
There are 3 questions I like to ask myself, and 3 helpful reframes to get me moving.
1 - Am I worried that I’m not doing the RIGHT THINGS?
2 - Am I worried that I’m not doing ENOUGH of those things?
3 - Am I worried that it’s taking a LONG TIME, despite seemingly doing enough of the right thing?
These correspond to the first 3 Deceivers and Steps in the Journey, and they need to be tackled in that order as well.
Let’s use the first question as an example:
Am I doing the right things?
At the beginning we feel very anxious about the need to ACT, to do SOMETHING to restore order (to get things back to the way we preferred them).
That’s the Deceiver of “Greed.” Greed for the destination, a desire to have things sorted out and not to have any resistance to that. We don’t want anything to stand in our way.
That’s what we feel when we hear “The Call” - a paradoxical calling to fix things and set them right, while simultaneously fearing the need for change and conflict. We want resolution, but we’re afraid to face the music.
The lesson that corresponds to this step is also perfectly matched - the lesson of learning itself, where we learn all the lessons teaching us HOW to do what we need to DO!
We need to answer the question “am I doing the right things?” by always following the learning principles:
Taking in the lessons
Journaling
Turning conceptual learning into experiential learning by actually taking action using what we’ve learned
Thinking about the SYSTEM, not just the parts.
Thinking about the PRINCIPLES, not just referencing what others have done.
And many other lessons that shape how we absorb all the others.
With enough lessons, absorbed in the right ways, we will eventually be able to answer that question with confidence. “Yes, I’m doing the right things to head in the right direction.” Bye bye anxiety.
It’s the same for the next question:
Am I doing enough?
We think we’re headed in the right direction, doing the right things, but then we worry - “am I doing enough? I need to move faster… but am I really moving in the right direction? If I’m slightly off, I’ll just be going in circles… oh no… I AM moving in circles! I’m such an idiot!”
We feel guilty for falling off the path, and we need to collapse into emotions. But that only takes us further in the wrong direction.
“And now I’ve gotten nowhere. No WAY am I doing enough!”
Well no. Now we’re not. Because we focused on the destination, we couldn’t be consistent in our direction.
We got stuck in motion.
We forgot the story of the turtle and the hare.
We fell for the Deceiver of Gluttony.
We started to Refuse the Call…
This was my big epiphany this morning, on this new journey I’m on:
That being DIRECTIONALLY correct, and walking a bit, however slow it feels, is what will allow me to eventually gain momentum.
It’s what allowed me to do it in the course I joined
It’s what allowed me to build all this behind the scenes, before even quitting my day job.
Lack of it, rushing, feeling that “I’m not doing enough in the right direction,” stopped me from building momentum in some of my previous jobs as well.
The Lesson that corresponds to this step is also perfectly matched - the lesson of Steps, where we take action and stay out of motion. We just need to keep taking steps. We’ll refine the steps, and do more of them, as we build confidence in our direction. We just need to DO!
Finally we come to the last question -
Have I been doing this for long enough?
Here we feel like - “if I were walking in the right direction, with the right steps, taking enough steps, covering enough miles, shouldn’t that mountain peak be a whole lot closer than it is?”
“Is it moving further away from me or something?”
“I am starting to hate this Journey, these steps… can’t I just get there already?”
This one is all about expectations. Lust for the finish line clamours and bangs, protesting all the denied expectations. It wants us to say - “I ain’t smiling until this is over!”
The thing is - watched paint doesn’t dry. Watched pots don’t boil. And watching the grass grow is a less than fruitful activity…
We want to truly commit to the Journey itself, for the long haul, for the “whatever it takes.” We burn the bridges, we lock ourselves in the cage with the lion, we take the leap…
And we hold modest expectations for the short term, and save our big expectations for the future. Only then can we start to enjoy the smaller wins along the way, to give ourselves the flowers we deserve, and smell them.
We focus on the lessons for this step - the lesson of always just taking JABs at the problems.
“Oh cool, another problem with what we’ve been doing.”
We want to be able to smile, to see the humour in Murphy’s Law. We want to be able to look at ourselves and the situation antithetically, and think again.
We may as well kickstart that antithetical thinking by realising - over the peak that we’re headed to, there’s just a sunrise. A moment in time. And beyond that, there’s just another mountain peak to walk towards.
The Journey is the end in itself. Win or lose, we just get to keep walking.
In conclusion, eventually we get to a place where we’re sure we’re doing the right things, in the right amounts, for a long-ass time (that we’re happy to continue).
That’s when you feel confident in your direction, and you can start to really face the tests, and become the hero.
For Frodo and Sam, this process took the whole first arc of the Lord of the Rings, before they broke the Fellowship and crossed the Anduin to continue on alone.
For me, this was the months of December 2021 through to around March 2022, where I felt more directionless than I’d ever been in my life.
For you, it might take a little time too. Just focus on learning your lessons, taking steps, and JABbing at the problems. You’ll get there.
Stay awesome.